Life Will Not Make Allowance
2019-12-27
Life will not make allowance for you, but it will pay you what you earn.
If There Are 10 People There
2019-12-27
If there are 10 people there, two or three are going to recognize you.
Fame Can Take Interesting Men
2019-12-27
Fame can take interesting men and thrust mediocrity upon them.
I Don’t Know Where I’m Going
2019-12-27
I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.
Not Forgiving Is Like Drinking Rat Poison
2019-12-27
Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.
I Accidentally Forgot to Graduate from College
2019-12-26
I accidentally forgot to graduate from college.
The Ones Who Don’t Do Anything
2019-12-26
The ones who don’t do anything are always the ones who try to pull you down.
I Just Get Things Done
2019-12-26
I just get things done, instead of talking about getting them done.
When You Start to Doubt Yourself
2019-12-25
When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive.
I’m not Raising My Kids to Survive the World
2019-12-25
I’m not raising my kids to survive the world. I’m raising them to change it.
The Minute I Start Being Afraid
2019-12-25
The minute I start being afraid of what people might say is the minute I become useless to God.
People Having Expectations
2019-12-21
People having expectations maybe means they’ve enjoyed what I’ve done.
I Look Back on Being 17
2019-12-21
I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?’
I Have Tons of Jokes
2019-12-21
I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don’t get a laugh but I love them so they stay.
Things Have to Be Funny First
2019-12-20
Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
If You’re Comparing the Badness of Two Words
2019-12-20
If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.
I Don’t Make Plans Anymore
2019-12-20
I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.